Up and down.

What i heard today made me feel down. Its hard enough for me to discern my own feelings, and even then i know its something im sad about. Its not really about relationships and dating. I wouldnt have confessed anyway. I wouldnt even date anyone unless i was in university and doing well in my classes. Who would want to date some trash who worked minimum wage. And besides, i could end up losing a friend. Which brings me back to the beginning.
I guess im sad because i know how hard itll be to mantain a friendship with someone who i dont have much background with, let alone see more than once every few months. If skype didnt exist i dont think we’d even be friends. Personally, ive worked hard to try to close the gap, trying not to make a fool of myself. Which i have, on numerous occasions. It sucks when youre bad at making jokes or thinking of good comebacks. Some people are just better at those things. I dont even know what good qualities i have, now that i think about it.
I could pull out some optimism. This could be for the better. Who knows, things might change anyway. The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry. Pretty sure i got that right without checking the actual quote. Good stuff.
And im scared of rejection too lol. But thats not really too much of a bother to me. 3popular5me man. 0 expectations ezpz.

Life is easy right?
Right?
Y-yeah.

Valentine’s Day.

Another year has passed, but I still feel as young and uncertain as I did when I left high school. Have I grown at all? imnottalkingaboutmyheightTT_TT

Mistakes I’ve made before, they won’t ever leave me. Is that good? Is that bad?

It certainly feels bad.

At least I know some I won’t make ever again.

But it doesn’t make me feel very proud of who I am as a person, if in fact i have any pride at all.

What I’ve done before is who I am today, is it not?

But who I am today might be different from who I was before.

Then am I me because of what I have done, or who I am now?

I can’t say I like who I am.

I don’t have much to show for myself anyway. What have I accomplished?

If theres someone I like, would they even take a moment to glance at me?

I wouldn’t even think I’d cross their mind even while they were talking to me.

As insignificant as a block of ice in the winter.

There’s a time for love, and a time to simply pass it by.

I don’t think it’s my time.

In a long time.

Hot Chocolate.

Tasted weird. I probably should have looked at the ingredients before defaulting to Was Sup. I……. didn’t get the pun.

I just say sup all the time so i was like oh ok this is something i should drink right cause its like my thing ha ha ha =3=

It wasn’t bad, the hot chocolate was pretty flavorful itself, quite creamy and had nice texture, but the aftertaste did taste like wasabi.

I thought it tasted alcoholic

lol

dont hurt me i dont drink much

But nevertheless it was a pretty fun time. Everything else ill keep to myself right haha

How do I put it?

Sometimes it feels like you’ve let someone down.

Can’t even say feel.

You know you’ve let someone down, but you don’t want to admit it.

Even if its not entirely your fault, it still somehow falls back to you.

It happens to the best of us. Saying things at the wrong time, trying too hard to be nice.

It’s almost as if my own personality betrays me.

I guess sometimes it’s better to save one than to save them all.

Resolute.

I’d like to take a step away from resolutions.

Rather, I’d just like to state my hopes and dreams.

Maybe it’s because more likely than not, I won’t be able to achieve what I expect.

Probably so.

I don’t even have much that I want.

1. Get into university?

2. Pass and get a stable job??

???

3. Profit???????

I don’t know.

I’m just like any other young adult in this world.

In a week I’ll be back home.

Where my friends are.

Although they’re all moving on with life.

I’m just on spectator mode.

As the winter wind blows

I am not there to bear witness to it.

Out there is a world that I do not know.

If life were like the tales told in books

Of distant lands and faraway places

Of wizards and warriors, of princes and kings

An anime world full of cute girls and magic

But what lies in my heart

Would only wish for all these second.

I cannot reach

What is first.